Oh, we all know the public image of Captain America when it comes to the issue of swearing --
But public image and private reality don't quite match.
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[gifset by
(petite madame)]
And here's a funny three-part fanfic about Tony Stark having to adjust to the shock of Captain America being a foul-mouthed queer --
The Altar Boy Act by
PR Zed --
Stark thinks Steve is a prude. Bucky knows better. [Part 1 of
Bisexual Sweary Old People]
Excerpt:
"Are you well, sir?" Stark's electronic butler asked. "Your blood pressure has spiked alarmingly."
"I'm fine, JARVIS," Stark spat out. "I've just had the sudden epiphany that everything I was told in childhood was a big. Fucking. Lie."
"Sorry, Stark," Bucky said, making sure his tone said he wasn't sorry at all.
"Dad used to talk about you, both of you, all of you, like you were saints. And for years I thought Aunt Peggy was like the queen."
"Peggy was fucking royalty," Steve said, his eyes getting that soft look they always did when he thought about Peggy, his accent drifting back to Brooklyn.
"She was a fucking classy dame," Bucky agreed.
"Jesus," said Stark.
"Don't blaspheme," Steve said with a twinkle in his eye. "You'll fucking go to hell for that."
And the sequel:
Excerpt:
With the altar boy act (or was it just good manners?) abandoned, Bucky and Steve told an increasingly filthy series of stories about the Howling Commandos, culminating in one with Steve and Bucky hiding out in a whore house behind German lines and deciding that they'd be less conspicuous if Steve dressed up like one of the girls.
"And then Howard turns to Falsworth and says, 'I always told you Rogers would make the prettiest girl,'" Steve said, grinning wider than Pepper had ever seen him. "I think my face went redder than my fuckin' lipstick."
"That blush just made you prettier, Stevie. You were something. Between the lipstick and that corset, I think even Dum Dum wanted to fuck ya. And he was the straightest Howlie there was." He turned to Pepper and gave her a wink. "We kept the corset."
"Okay, that's it!" Tony stood, a little unsteadily, (the scotch he'd been consuming all night finally having caught up with him), and grabbed Pepper's hand. "We're going home."
"But I'm just starting to have fun," Pepper protested as she retrieved her hand.
"I'm glad the defilement of my childhood heroes is fun for you," Tony threw out as he bolted from the room.
"You'll have to come over again," Steve said to Pepper as he gave her an enveloping hug that she could have leaned into forever.
"No we won't," Tony yelled from the entrance hall.
"I was talking to Pepper," Steve said.
"Do you like Tarantino?" Bucky asked. "You could come over and watch Inglourious Basterds with us. That's our favourite. It's better than Steve fake punching fake Hitler in those fuckin' stupid movies he made."
And the final part:
The Cagney Tarantino Gang by
PR Zed --
The Avengers are swearing like Brooklyn boys from the '40s, and it's all Steve and Bucky's fault. Tony's not having any of it. [Part 3 of
Bisexual Sweary Old People]
Excerpt:
Tony feels something turn and slot into place in his chest.
He's been an idiot.
All this time, he's been thinking that the Steve and Bucky from his father's stories, the ones in the history books, the soldiers he's hero-worshipped since he was a boy, stalwart and heroic and totally without flaws, were the real deal. That the men in front of him now, profane and clever and not giving a rat's ass about what anyone thinks, were an affront. But he's had it backwards. The stories were a lie. The Steve and Bucky in this room, who swear and tease and are so at ease that they're sprawled all over each other on the couch, they'rethe truth.
"I finished up early," Tony says, doing his best to keep his voice steady. "So I thought I'd join your Cagney Tarantino gang."
"Yankee Doodle Dandy's over." Steve nods to where the credits are scrolling up the screen. "But we could watch White Heat."
"White Heat's great," Bucky says. "Cagney's a real hardass son of a bitch in it. You'll fucking love it."
"Yeah?" Tony says, grinning back at the pair of them. "I bet I really fucking will."
