Does Tony Know What "Friend" Means?

Interpersonal relationships are not Tony's strong point, after all.

[cartoon by lousysharkbutt]

[and the following very perceptive dialogue

is by katerafterdark]

Steve Rogers: He's my friend.

Tony Stark: So was I.

Everyone: . . . .

Natasha Romanov: Were you?

Steve: I feel like we were allies, rather than friends. We never really hung out.

Tony: We hung out in New York that time. We fought space whales.

Steve: Yeah because we were allies. We had a common goal. Saving New York was more important than our mutual dislike.

Tony: But you liked me by the end of it.

Steve: I gained a grudging respect for you. That's hardly the same.

Tony: I do not see the difference.

James Rhodes: He really doesn't.

Tony: We had shawarma!

Natasha: Stark, we ate in total silence.

Tony: Silent comradery.

Natasha: It was super uncomfortable and I have been tortured.

Tony: What about when we fought Ultron?

Steve: Again, really more of an ally situation.

Tony: Alright, I'm pretty sure those are the same thing. Like some people are pumas and some people are cougars. Used or Preowned. Crocodiles and alligators.

Rhodey: Crocodiles and alligators are not the same thing. You have several degrees.

Tony: Look, all I'm saying is friend and ally is the same thing. Cap and I are friends.

Steve: Okay, look, remember World War Two?

Tony: No, you and your boyfriend were the only ones there for that. Congratu-freakin'-lations.

Steve: Anyway, in World War Two the US fought with England and Russia. England was our friend. We didn't always get along but we started with them. We came from the same background. They had our back. Russia was our ally. We didn't agree on much but we knew we needed them to beat the Nazis. After the war, we helped England rebuild and they've had our back ever since. Bucky, what did Russia do again?

Bucky raises metal hand.

Steve: Oh right, they tortured and brainwashed my best friend. Big difference.

Natasha: That analogy got weird at the end.

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And finally, this tweet sums up the situation nicely --