I love Steve and Bucky during Bucky's recovery because, like...
Bucky learning how to be touched carefully, and Steve learning how to touch carefully.
Because all Steve's hands have done since the serum is fight and even before the serum lets be real.
Fight and survive.
He's not sure how to be careful, how to cradle, how to heal... how to hold together, because Bucky's one touch away from shattering, and they all know it.
Bucky thinks Steve's hands should hurt.
They're big, calloused, strong. He knows Steve can fight and knows if he wanted to hurt Bucky, he could. Bucky would let him. If Steve thought he needs a firmer hand or maintenance or whatever than Bucky would take it.
But they don't.
Even though Bucky flinches a lot, and then a little less as time goes on, each time Steve reaches for him, every time he gets a hand on Bucky and it's warmwarmwarm. He forgot people are so warm.
And Bucky's been in a lot of people's hands but Steve's are the kindest.
They don't have to be. Bucky doesn't know kindness as the soldier.
Steve could touch him with firm, not cruel but not kind hands, and what's Bucky going to say?
Can you be softer?
No, because anything is already going to be softer than hydra.
When you're starved for contact, even a hit feels good.
But listen, okay, because as much of the world as Steve fights, he doesn't fight Bucky.
To defend himself against Bucky? Sure. But not by choice, and never the first hit.
Steve hasn't been able to touch Bucky, not really, not since the serum.
Because he was sick, because the war, because azzano, because the train, because hydra because because because....
And he wants to.
He wants to touch Bucky, hold him, and that's it. He doesn't think anyone had ever been kind to the soldier unless it was just a ploy to make something hurt more later.
Even before, men didn't touch each other beyond playful shoves and quick hugs. Bucky touched Steve a lot because he was sick, but Steve never got to experience Bucky with healthy hands.
He never got to hold back.
He never got to be the one gently cleaning blood off bruised skin.
He never got to be the one curled around Bucky to keep him warm because it was so cold outside and surviving the night was a toss up sometimes with Steve so sick.
He never got to be the one to run off someone bigger and meaner than Bucky, never got to defend him with split knuckles and blood on his lip.
It's going to haunt him. He never got to protect Bucky the way Bucky had always done to him. He never ran anyone off. He never got a chance to take the hits instead of Bucky. He never went back to check. He never looked... he never.. he never...
But he can now.
They both can.
